Summer Heat

As the last days of July are approaching it hits me that I have seriously neglected my blog. If it were a living thing it would have been dead quite some time ago. The last time that I sat down and actually added to it was in June and to say the least much has happened since then.

June was fun and busy. The No Doubt Paramore concert happened, World Wide Knit in Public day, Roller Derby, summer kayaking (every weekend), Emerson turned 3, Christian turned 4 and the best thing, we put in an offer on a home!

The last weekend of June we put in an offer on a home in Apex NC- and here almost a month later we are days away from moving in. Let's not just skip ahead to August though, July has been full and busy.

First thing- July 3rd 2009 as we played in our apartment pool I hit my head on the bottom it. Three hours, one cat scan and $4000(thank goodness for awesome health insurance) later our trip to the ER was over and I was free to go home with a huge bump on my head and some minor blurry vision. My head was super tender the next few days but I was normal by the next morning.

We spent July 4th with Heidi and Shawn setting off fireworks eating grilled barbecue chicken and enjoying the summer evening. Pickles handled the fireworks pretty well- she stayed inside with the other doggies and waited for us to return inside to snuggle on the sofa.

Jordan is now a Technical Artist at Epic- no longer and environment artist. I think he is enjoying it, mainly because he has been staying late so much just because he wants to. I am definitely happy for him with this new step in his career.

Tomorrow is July 30th and we close on our first house. It is beginning to settle in that I am going to be in a house this weekend and I am quite excited about the entire thing. No more neighbors literally right outside your door and next, below and or above you. Saturday we move in and pay our last month's rent on our current place.

Eventually I will get around to posting some pictures-- eventually I return to my typical life.

NO DOUBT & Paramore

Monday night I went to see No Doubt and Paramore with Heidi, Heather, Melissa and Allison. Let's just say that was my favorite concert, ever. Aerosmith was fun, Les Claypool was great both times, and of course I loved Common and N.E.R.D but No Doubt was the best!

The traffic was horrific. We were on the interstate stopped for about 2-3 miles before the exit and then once you exited it was still another 2 miles to the actual place.

Good times to be had in traffic

FiNaLlY! in our seats!

Supafan Mel- excited!

Mel- Alli-Heather-Heidi

In another 5-10 years I'd like to go see Paramore again, I think they
will have developed enough to deliver a fun concert

Spiderwebs. I lost my mind I think. I was one of those girls in 1997
with this astheir answering machine message. Yep.

Their set was all white, clean and impressive. Had a very fluid feel to it. Loved it.

Second costume. It was shiny checkerboard.

Decent seats.

Adrian in striped long john bottoms and of course a pink tutu.

Loved it.

Simple kind of life.

Sunday Morning!

the Final bow.

Sunday May 24th 2009

Today I went to Hillsborough to the yarn shop there.. it only took me what 18 months to drive the 40 miles to it. Lazy me. I have definitely been missing out. The lady working at the shop was very helpful and the shop had an interesting selection and a pretty large stock. I was pleased over all. After that I met Jordan at SouthPoint to help him shop for sun glasses. We found none. This evening we went to see Terminator Salvation.. we both enjoyed it overall. I thought that some of the cg was pretty accurate. Yay for one more day of time off. Tomorrow will be a mix of laundry, cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping, Big Love, Stardust, and Sookie Stackhouse! I am currently on Book 3.... wishing to be closer to the end already! In the photos to the right are a rainbow I saw on the way home... well you may be able to see it. I seemed to just miss the rain every where I went today. =) not complaining about that by any means.

Eno River Friday May 22nd 2009

On Friday after visiting the Duke Homestead Jordan and I went to the Eno River in Durham. Jordan took some great photos that he so kindly shared with me since I left my camera in the car. =) Along the way we saw lots of little toads, some frogs, one black snake sunning on a tree limb, a white tail deer (no photo) and one guy who just might be classified as a serial killer. It was gorgeous out and something I hope that we have the chance to do again before the days of 90+ degree days arrive..

Duke Homestead Friday May 22nd 2009

For Memorial Day weekend Jordan and I both had Friday and Monday off. We did some mini adventures around North Carolina.


Friday- Duke Homestead- Durham North Carolina.

Pickles & Oreo

Just some photos of the pup and kitty. New harness for Pickles. Oreo finding comfy spots on very inappropriate things.

Mother's Day

So as you all may know I have not seen my mother since my wedding (04-6-08) and things have been rocky all around in that department. I've been working the relationship back up on my terms, mainly, and trying to become more comfortable with the idea of seeing my mom. Well that day finally came last Friday. We had talked a few times over the past few weeks and I decided that I could handle Mother's Day better if we just re-started our relationship with that, sorta on a positive note. My mom came down and I took her to lunch, gave her a small gift and a very suitable card. It was a bit awkward but easier than I had thought it would be. I guess my relationship with my mom is like riding a bike- you never forget how, but I am just hoping I have improved on my coping skills. I'm not setting any expectations for this- just sorta going with the flow. She'll call when she has time and thinks about it. I'm not pressuring myself to call her.


My dad has not spoken to me in a while. I am pretty sure it has to do with a very assertive email that I sent him about what he needs to be doing to properly care for my siblings. These grievances would not be aired by anyone else I am sure, so I did it. I'm never very assertive with men in my life (other than Jordan) but I decided it was high time I was. At the time that I sent that email I think things were crazy and it may have been a while before it got the email... which probably only added a tinge of lighter fuel to a already large fire. Oh well. He'll get over it. I know that the siblings are giving him a run for his money so to speak. I am sure he is clueless to just how well behaved I was as a child and teenager. From the looks of things neither of my siblings will be as calm as I was.

Jordan and I have been kayaking once- which we loved! It was sooo much fun. If I had oodles of money to blow I would run out and buy one and all the gear. We've been canoeing a few times- but not recently. Maybe this weekend we will- we should, I need to just not stop us from doing it.

In my own life I have begun a new set of books, the Southern Vampire series/Sookie Stackhouse series by Charlaine Harris. HBO based their hit show, True Blood, off of this series and as my reward for reading book one I will watch season one from netflix once it is out. I read book one last week and I am now on book two, It's going slow but that doesn't mean I am not enjoying it.

Knitting related- I finally finished pink sock 1. YAY! Now to start/finish pink sock 2! I also decided to cut my losses with my pink 'waffle' stitch gone wrong scarf. It just kept meeting it's end with Oreo and Pickles and everything! I bound off and it's going to be a neck wrap.

This weekend Heather, Melissa, Allison and I are all going to the roller derby in Raleigh. As you can imagine we are all very excited about this and hope to see some seriously awesome action. After trying to make it to one of their games for almost a year we are finally attending!

In June Heidi, Heather, Allison, Melissa and I are all going to see No Doubt/Paramore at Walnut Creek. Since I was 11 Gwen Stefani/No Doubt has had a very special place in my heart. Their band really made an impact on me as a pre-teen/teen. Seeing them live will be like coming full circle for me. Paramore is still rather new to me, other than the Twilight soundtrack I don't know much of their music career.

Well back to my Wednesday chores!

I am in serious withdrwal.....

It is done. I have finished Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse and Breaking Dawn. I am done. The books are back on the shelf. They are finished. There has never been a set of books that I have finished so quickly and enjoyed so much at the same time. The writing was not perfect and by no means deep but it was so enjoyable to read them, to be at those stages of life in my head (if they were actually like that) and to remember the first feelings of being love. I am still trying to decide what I think of the ending of the saga- have yet to make my mind up but overall I loved the books. In deciding which book I like the most I would probably say New Moon, not because I cried through the entire book but because it was a re-awakening for Bella and for my self. Your skin was a little thicker after experiencing something like that as a teenager and I feel as though seeing it from the outside made my own skin thicken up a bit.

I went through Eclipse so fast that I feel I need to re-read it to remember the story at all... Breaking Dawn was fabulous, even though the ending seemed awfully rushed, it was a wonderful story with a lot of twists. It is safe to say that Stephenie Meyer had to rush through it or it was likely to be a thousand pages or more before the end.

I am trying to figure out what to read next. I had a few chapters of the first Harry Potter to finish so I did that.. and now I am in between reading Wuthering Heights, or Pride & Prejudice. They are both classics that I feel I need to read. I also have some other light reading to do while deciding.

In July Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince is going to be released- which as one can imagine I am more than excited about. Heather, Melissa and I are all going to wear our knit gear to it. Sometime this summer I will have to get around to making my Ravenclaw scarf to wear proudly. We are still looking for a hufflepuff to go with us. No luck so far.

This November New Moon is coming out- which I will be wearing my 'Alice' scarf to if I am able to get my speed back up with knitting. My tendonitis is still bothering me occasionally, this time I did the 500mg naproxen instead of the cortisone shot. I have yet to decide if this is the right method for my wrist.

Spring is here- and we have had the chance to go canoeing twice at Lake Wheeler, which is absolutely gorgeous. On one side there are a lot of rather large rocks on the waters edge hanging over and sticking out from under the water. Jordan and I are planning to go this Thursday during the day to celebrate our 1st wedding anniversary. Oh- that's right April 6th was our first wedding anniversary- which we have yet to celebrate because I had horrible allergies that led to bronchitis the week of the anniversary. While I was sick Jordan got a cold that had him sleeping every extra minute he could. The 'yellow' enemy has been covering everything we touch for weeks now and I cannot wait to see it gone completely. I know the drought caused it to be so much worse this year. Stupid drought. Stupid pollen.

and the clouds faded away

written march 29th 2009-


Sitting here reading New Moon and it starts to sink in that I feel like I've come out of some major gloom that I had been under for over a year. Nothing too serious the past 6-8 months however it's still been there... in the back of my thoughts.. that gloom. Gloom coming from everything from the horrible drowning feeling that came when I moved back to North Carolina and left the boy child. I cried every day for about a month about leaving him and the pain that caused me, and the confusion it must have caused him.Then Maw Maw passed away that October and it was so so sad and we were caught so off guard. That same day I bought my wedding gown and even the excitement of the wedding did not keep the gloom away.

Finally the wedding came and went and it was fun and we were happy but the month's following were going to be more difficult than I thought. My mom and I stopped talking. There were some very big misunderstandings and I realized that I needed time to figure out what I was doing and how to work out my issues with my parents.

I started therapy in October. I am so grateful for my therapist. The baggage from my child hood has stopped making it's way into my marriage. I feel as though I have been able to step back and look at my life from the outside... and make better choices because of it.

I am learning to just accept the family that I have been given, without agreeing. It is just the idea that they are who they are and they will continue to be that way until they die. They are not perfect, they are not ideal, they are imperfect, flawed humans that are my parents. I'm learning to cope with them better.

This week I have been happy. Genuinely happy. Giddy, laughing, smiling... Amanda again. I have returned to my cackle laugh and the joyful world that I have missed for a long long time. I'm me again.

Spring is probably helping this feeling. The anticipation of being out on the lakes in my canoe or on the kayak drenched in sunblock (to save my skin) enjoying my adult life.

I think I have felt like I am finally grown up- and those strong ties to my family and how sad our relationships have always made me feel is finally wearing off. Maybe it is the great distance I have put there, maybe it is just that I have grown up- I have recovered.

I am grown up.
I am recovered.
I am stronger.
I am happy.
I am loved.
I am thankful.
I am me again.

I got bitten....

I took the plunge last week into Stephenie Meyer's first book, Twilight. Within 3 days I had completed the 500 pages. Now I am reading New moon which in 3 days I've made it to page 400. I'm hooked. I''m totally on team Edward right now... and just love the characters so much. I have not figured out yet how I feel about Jacob.

Last night I watched Twilight on blu-ray and I have already re-watched it. I enjoyed it. Edward and Bella are such great characters. Alice and Jasper were great. I am thinking about making the Alice scarf for the release of New Moon. I think that would be a great scarf for November.

I told my friends Heather and Melissa that after reading Twilight I have an entire new appreciation for my birthstone, topaz, like Edwards eyes. haha.

I will hopefully burn through the rest of New Moon this evening and move on to Eclipse either tonight or tomorrow.

Well back to Jacob, Bella, Sam and the lack of Edward.

is it April yet?

No I'm not wanting April to be here because it will be my first wedding anniversary, I am wanting April to arrive so that the boat houses will open at all the local parks which means.... KAYAK time! Last year we discovered canoes pretty late in the year but we really enjoyed it and really want to do it again this year however I think we want to try kayak's for various reasons. Jordan and I went to Lake Wheeler this past week one evening and just watching the sun set near that gorgeous water made us both want to be on the water. We also came away from that thinking how awesome it would be to own a home on a body of water like that, now granted I am sure none of those homes would be in our price range but it's ok to dream right?

April 6th is fast approaching and well that will be 1 year since our wedding. I have no idea where the past year went, I do not feel as though that was a year ago by any means.

March 8th I went to Massachusetts to visit my friends there and it was so nice! The kids had all grown so much and oh how I just wanted to squeeze all of their cheeks. They are all going to be grown before I can blink my eyes. I need to definitely make more trips up to visit all of them. Seeing their town was great too because I have really missed working there. It ended up being a gorgeous weekend and right in between two snow storms for them. It was so much fun and I immediately missed everyone.

I've not been knitting as much as I would like- my bum wrist has been bothering me off and on but consistently since around Christmas. I am finally going back to Dr. Giggle, I mean Dr. Tuttle to have another shot of cortisone in it. I was good I have been able to put off getting it for a while but in some ways that was stupid because I've been less productive and just sorta crabby about my wrist. I know mine is in no way as bad as the MIL so I feel bad ever even complaining about it but dang it, this thing hurts. I dred the shot though, not for the immediate pain but for the pain that follows the few days after the shot. That was the annoying part last time, and it makes me nervous with being around kiddos and things that require me to lift them.

I have finished a few projects though. I made Jordan a heinous ear flap hat that he refuses to wear, I made myself a pretty little odessa hat which I love and I have a sock for myself almost finished. Gotta work on that!!

This week I gave in to peer pressure and bought Twilight. Yep. I'm reading it. I'm sucked in. I'm enjoying it. Woo hoo!

In other news- my mom and I spoke for the first time on the phone in eleven months on Tuesday. It was for about 30 mins and nothing major happened. We just chatted, awkwardly.

Also- if you live in my hometown you may have seen that my ex-step mom is missing. Yep. It's all right out of forensic files. While I am not directly emotionally affected by this I am sad for my step sister and half brother who very well may have to grow up now minus a mother. I know their previous arrangement in life with her had not been the best but you never want them to be missing/dead. I am fearful of what affect this will have on both kids and if they will get the counseling that they need to cope.

OH- we did have that freak snow storm in March- here are the photos from that as well as a photo of Pickles with a face covered in this maple treat she oh so loves.

Also I included a few photos of when we had Pickles fixed in February. She was such a trooper! Everything went really well with the surgery and the recovery (even though she managed to pull out a few stitches!) and she bounced back as quick as we suspected.